Pyros of the Caribbean!
by fullmetalotaku347
Summary: Captain Jack Sparko, William Burner, and Combustabeth Swan go on a journey to take back, the famed ghost ship, The Ash Black Pearl. On their journey they meet other new friends and unite as one and help each other with individual quests. MILD LANGUAGE
1. Chapter 1 Three idiots, One prorhecy

Disclaimer: I do not own Pirates of the Caribbean or any characters. Or any songs mentioned.

EPISODE ONE! - THREE PSYCHOS, ONE MEETING!

William Burner walked slowly down the village street to his job. He was blacksmith's apprentice. It was an okay job. The only reason he took it was because he got to play with fire and molten, hot, metal when no one was looking. He finally made it. He sighed before entering. No one was in there. "YES!" Will said to himself. He put down his bag lunch and whatever else he had and ran excitedly over to the melting pot. He quickly, and expertly, lit a fire underneath and waited for the molted metal to…molt.

Combustabeth Swan laughed evilly as the maids of the house ran around everywhere looking for Combustabeth's corset that she loathed so much. "Well, gosh darn it Combustabeth! Where did you put it?" said her extremely frustrated father. "I have no idea. Maybe it was stolen or maybe I gave it to charity while I wasn't thinking." Combustabeth lied. "Governor Swan!" one of the maids called. "WHAT IS IT!?" Mr. Swan screamed. Mr. Swan turned to the maid and looked at what she held. There, in her hand, were the charred remains of Combustabeth's corset. Mr. Swan turned to Combustabeth who laughed innocently. Combustabeth hated that corset more than she hated crossword puzzles. She burned it because, A-She loved fire. (for unknown reasons) and B-It was torture to wear and she might as well had someone strangling her because it would have been the death of her anyway. "I thought you were cured of this Combustabeth. All the hours of electric shock therapy…" said her father, putting his hand to his forehead. "Yeah about that, I enjoyed it." Combustabeth said leaving the room. "Where are you going!?" demanded her father. "I WILL REEK HELL UPON YOU ALL!" she said evilly and ran out of the room screaming like a maniac. Those she left inside the room were dumbfounded.

Captain Jack Sparko was crouching at the highest point of his sinking ship as it just made it to the dock. He hissed at the water. "Ha ocean! You will always remember this as the day you didn't catch Captain Jack Spar-", but he was cut off. A fish bobbed to the surface and splashed water in his face. Sparko paused for a moment, taking in what happened, and then covered his eyes as he started screaming. "AHHHH!!!!! THE WATER!!!! IT BURNS!!!!!!!!!" he shrieked as he roll on the ground in despair. Though it couldn't have been more than a few drops, still, he winced and screamed in excruciating pain. Two guards have been standing nearby who saw the entire episode. "A pirate who hates the ocean? Wow that's ironic." said one to the other. The other guard shrugged and went over to Sparko and waited for five minuets until he was done screaming. He finally got up and brushed the splinters off his semi-burnt coat. "I'm sorry sir but you can't park your boat there." said the guard on the right. "Oh. My bad." Sparko said. Sparko took out a match and burned the top of the mast that was sticking out of the water until there was nothing left. "There. no boat, no problem." said Sparko as he pushed his way past them. The guards looked confused but pushed the matter no further. In fact, they both agreed it never happened and decided never to speak of it again. Sparko walked down the desolate street. He came across…THE BLACKSMITH SHOP. "Hmm…What kind of sick minded shenanigans can I cook up in here…?" Sparko thought to himself. He opened the door and entered.

William Burner was waiting for the stuff in the pot to molt. He waited and waited but seemed to take FOREVER! He finally got so bored he took the swords that were hanging on the rack and stabbed them into a bench so they were in rows in front of him. He then went to his lunch and took out an ear of corn. He stood in front of the bench and held the ear of corn to his mouth like a microphone and then he started to sing and dance horribly:

"BURN, BABY BURN, DISCO INFERNOBURN, BABY BURN, COME BURN THAT MOTHER DOWNBURN, BABY BURN, DISCO INFERNOBURN, BABY BURN, COME BURN THAT MOTHER DOWN, BURNIN' JUST CAN'T STOP, JUST CAN'T STOP, WHEN MY SPARK GETS HOTJUST CAN'T STOP, JUST CAN'T STOP, WHEN MY SPARK GETS HOTJUST CAN'T STOP,..."

He heard a door open behind him. He turned around to see a guy in pirate like clothes and pirate like hat plus a pirate like expression on his face and pirate like stance. William concluded that this strange man most have been a pirate. But alas it was too late. Will froze in his stance in which he was screaming rather loudly into an ear of corn and in lunge position. He turned his gaze toward the pirate man, who was looking at him like he was crazy. Finally, Mr. Pirate Man broke the silence. "You do realize your kettle's on fire?" Sparko said trying to ignore the fact that the boy was singing a song that wouldn't come out for another 200 years. Will shot up from his stance and turned to the pot enthusiastically. "YES! BURN MY PRETTY BURN!!!!" he said manically. At very moment the door burst open again. Both Sparko and Burner turned to see who had entered. It was none other than Combustabeth Swan looking tired and cautious. She noticed the other two men soon after. They both stared at her blankly. "HELP THEY'LL FIND ME!" said Combustabeth grabbing Sparko's collar and shaking him violently. "Why are they after you?" said Will concerned. "Because I burned my corset!!" she screamed at Will but shaking Sparko. "Ugh…how can anyone breathe in those things?" Sparko said to more or less to himself. "How would you know?" asked Combustabeth quietly but still gripping Sparko's collar for dear life. "Don't ask." replied Sparko releasing himself from Combustabeth's grip of death. Sparko finally put the pieces together. All three of the strangers had one thing of common. Other than the fact they were all half mad, THEY ALL LOVED FIRE! Sparko burned his coat and always carried matches with him. The girl burned her corset. And the boy loved to watch the molted metal. He snapped out of his thoughts. "YOU BOY! What is your name?" he demanded pointing his finger at the poor boy. "W-William Burner." Will stuttered. "And you girl?" Sparko asked turning his finger and his stare at her."Combustabeth Swan." She said nervously. He was shocked. "Why does it matter?" asked Will. "THE PROPHCECY!" yelled Sparko. "What prophecy?" asked Combustabeth. Sparko pulled a rolled up sheet of paper from the inside of his coat and laid it flat on a table. Will and Combustabeth gathered around it to see.

"A some 50 years ago, there was a legendary pirate ship. It's name? The Ash Black Pearl. Led by the infamous, Captain Blazebosa. It reigned supreme amongst all others and had a notorious reputation for having some of the most violent and feared Pyromaniacs aboard its retched crew. Late in the game, it had a run in with the English navy. They fought for hours in an attempt to sink each other. In the end both ships went down, or so they say. There have been reports of a black ship. The blackest black anyone had ever seen. And its sails were burnt away so bad, they were virtually non-existent. These conditions were due to battle. The navy burnt the Ash Black Pearl that bad." Sparko recited.

"But what does that have to do with us? Or a prophecy?" asked a confused Combustabeth.

"It is said that one female and two males shall rise from the ashes and take the ship back from its evil captain. These three are sure to be noticed due to their strange obsession and passion for fire and all that is flames. Their names are: Combustabeth Swan, Jack Sparko, and William Burner." Sparko read aloud. "That could be anyone." doubted Combustabeth. "Oh really? Do you know any other chicks named 'Combustabeth' out there?" said Will. "You have a point." She said. "So what do we do now?" asked Will. "We team up. With our amazing abilities combined we will be ruthless and unstoppable! You guys in?" Sparko said. "I'M IN!" said Will. "Me to!" yelled Combustabeth.

THUS ENDS EPISODE ONE! Thank you very much for reading!


	2. Chapter 2 Enter Titanic spoof!

EPISODE TWO!- YOU'RE SO STUPID!

The three idiots went down to the docks in an attempt to steal a ship since Sparko's kinda sunk. There were three boats in front of them. One was big, one was medium sized and one was small. "Which one do we take?" asked Will. "I say the more wood the better! I want the big one!" said Combustabeth. "Well a smaller one would be easier to steal…." started Sparko. "I WANT THE BIG ONE!!!!" screamed Combustabeth. "Alright! Alright! Keep your panties on! Actually scratch that last part!" said Sparko. "YOU JERK!!!!" screamed Will smacking Sparko. "YOU'RE SO INSENSITIVE!! WHY CAN'T YOU CONSIDER OTHER PEOPLE'S FEELING!?" screamed Will almost crying. "Oh…Will…" said Combustabeth, seduced. "Combustabeth…My heart burns in the fire of passion for you…Why, I'd give up pyroism in and of itself just to see you." said Will. "Will..." said Combustabeth. "Combustabeth..." said Will. "ALRIGHT YOU TWO! SAVE IT FOR THE CHICK FLICK!" yelled Sparko breaking it up. They proceeded to the largest ship. Combustabeth burned the rope that tied the ship to the dock. She stood on the edge of the boat and danced around saying. "I AM YOUR ETERNAL MASTER!!! WIFE OF SATAN!!! DAUGHTER OF LORD BEELZEBUB!!! QUEEN OF ALL THAT IS HELL OR HELLISH!!! BOW TO ME AND MY GLORY!!" This outburst got the attention of the only passenger aboard the ship who was sleeping below deck. Who was this unknown person? His name was Jack Awesome. And he was on a mission just as great and important as The Pyro Trio. Jack opened his eyes. He heard a woman screaming evilly above deck. "It sounds just like HER…" he said worriedly. He sprang from his hammock and got the nearest blunt object he could find which was a spaghetti pot. He crept up the stairs to the deck. He was surprised to find that the ship was movie out to sea. He creaked the door that led to the deck open just enough to take a peak at what was happening outside. He saw a two men and one woman. All three looked insane. He took a good look at the woman. Jack sighed in relief. It was not HER but she still was to be avoided as much as possible. Jack contemplated his options. What should he do about these intruders? Kill them? Take them prisoner? Use them to his advantage? Reason with them? In the end, he decided to surprise attack them. He burst the door open. "HA! WHAT BUSINESS DO YOU HAVE ON MY SHIP!?" he said to them. "Your ship? This is our ship!" yelled Combustabeth "No it's not! I was here first!" yelled Jack back at her. "We rightfully stole it! It's ours!" said Combustabeth. "How do you 'rightfully steal' something?" said Jack confused. "What's your business with this ship boy?" asked Sparko. "If you must know, I'm on a quest of REVENGE!" said Jack taking a heroic stance at the end of his sentence. "Revenge against what?" asked Will. "The most vile and evil creature in the world! Rose DimWitt Bukater!" Jack said still in his heroic stance. "What did this 'Rose DimWitt Bukater' ever do to you?" asked Combustabeth. She didn't trust the boy one bit. "I'm glad you asked." Jack said. He stood on the table and told his tale.

"About eight years ago, I was Rose's next door neighbor. Our families were really good friends. So when they heard that there was a serial killer on the loose in our home town, our families pulled money together to pay for all of us moving down here to the Caribbean. While on the ship a vicious storm befell us. Our families had disappeared. I got Rose in the life boat. Apparently, she misconstrued as a gesture of love, I just didn't wanna be in the same boat as her. I watched her go as the boat got lowered to make sure she was gone before I went to find a different boat. But before she made it down, she jumped out of the boat and back onto the ship. She crawled up the side of the wooden ship with those claws she calls nails. I tried to run from her but she was to fast she caught up to me and hugged me. 'YOU'RE SO STUPID ROSE! YOU'RE SO STUPID!' I didn't mean that like I loved her! I REALLY meant that she was stupid! I grabbed her head in an attempt to give her 'shaken stupid girl syndrome' but I could not fill out my attempt. There was much havoc mind you, so someone bumped into me from behind, pushing me into a forced lip-lock with Rose. Everyone thought it was true love! IT WAS TRUE HATE! She's all 'I'll never let go Jack…' and I was all, 'Please let go!' then she said 'you jump I jump right?' then I said 'You're hugging me to tight!' but in her mind she heard 'right' instead of 'tight'. So I ended up fighting her for a floatation device after the boat sank. I almost drowned but I managed to row my way to shore after three days. I ALMOST DIED CAUSE OF HER! IF SHE WOULD'VE STAYED IN THE STUPID BOAT I WOULD STILL HAVE FEELING IN MY RIGHT ARM!" Jack retold. "I have a proposition for you Jack." Said Sparko. "If you help us take back the Ash Black Pearl, we'll help you get back at Rose." Proposed Sparko. Jack pondered it for a moment then stated, "I'm in." "Excellent! Now let's all be merry crazies!" said Sparko. And that's how the quartet was born.

THUS ENDS EPISODE TWO!


	3. Chapter 3 Horoscopes and Mediation

Episode 3-Horoscopes and mindless meditation.

I do NOT own Pirates of the Caribbean, Titanic, or the corresponding characters.

ALL SPELLING ERRORS ARE INTENTIONAL! I AM TRYING TO PORTRAY HOW THEY TALK, JUST SO YOU KNOW.

It seemed less than five minutes before all hell broke loose. Jack was posing for cameras that didn't exist by standing with his fists on his hips and his hair waving in the wind along with a heroic stance and serious, yet sexy, look on his face.

"Oy! Jack me boy! You look _very _manly with yer hands on yer hips like a little Sally Girl!" said Sparko sarcastically, laughing his jolly butt off. Jack snapped out of his trance and stepped down from his stance to face Sparko, who at this time, was rolling around on the ship's deck, STILL laughing as if he had seen King George in his underwear. "Captain Jack Sparko…" Jack started threateningly. Sparko suddenly stopped laughing and just laid there for a moment. Jack wondered if he was dead. He leaned to see if Sparko was breathing, but right as he did so, Sparko shot up to a standing position, with his head held high, and making our young Jack's entire digestive system flip upside down.

"WAIT A MOMENT! I GOT IT! BOTH OF OUR NAMES ARE 'JACK'!" Sparko said to younger Jack. "Holy gasp! I'm too beautiful and sensitive to share my name with a guy who barely showers and smells like rotten sword fish!" said Jack Awesome, as if his entire view on reality had come to a screeching halt. "And _I'm_to bad ass and drop dead SEXY to share a name with a pansy whose greatest enemy is a GIRL!" Sparko said in despair. "WE MUST FIND A SOLUTION!" younger Jack said, reclaiming his heroic stance. "I couldn't agree more!" Sparko said taking the same stance. Neither of the two seemed to notice that they had both brutally insulted each other. At this point Combustabeth intervened by smacking the two with an unlit torch.

"SHUT UP WILL YOU!? I'M TRYING TO READ MY FAVORITE NEWSPAPER IN THE ENTIRE WORLD! THE_ "POINT OF NO RETURN TIMES!" _ Combustabeth screamed. Younger Jack rubbed his head in an attempt to ease the sorrowful pain. "Where did you get that torch? And how do you get a newspaper delivered to you?! WE'RE IN THE MDDLE OF THE FREAKIN' OCEAN! I DON'T SEE A PRINTING PRESS AROUND HERE!" Younger Jack said. He was far too sensitive to handle all this excitement. After his comment to Combustabeth, everything fell silent and dark. Combustabeth's eyes went blacker than the skin of Satan and she had a stare about 3090 degrees lower than absolute zero! Combustabeth loomed over the poor boy and uttered the following sentence….very….slowly. "No one dares question Combustabeth Swan's methods. And if you is so even try, I swear, ON WILLIAMS LIFE, that you shall not receive….ANYMORE RUM!"

Sparko jumped up from his current spot and tackled younger Jack to the ground covering his mouth, to prevent him from saying anything more. "H-he won't say no more. Promise. Please…don't take out his idiocy on the rum." Sparko begged. "Very well. Now…TIME TO READ THE ALMIGHTY HOROSCOPES!" Combustabeth said, returning to her ditzy and bubbly nature. And the world went bright and back to normal again. Sparko sighed heavily in relief and released younger Jack. "All is well…EXCEPT FOR OUR LITTLE NAME PROBLEM!" Sparko yelled to younger Jack. "It is a problem. We don't want our readers mistaking us for the wrong people…" younger Jack said, rubbing his chin thought. "Readers…?" Sparko thought to himself, eyeing the area suspiciously until younger Jack interrupted him. "WE MUST PONDER POSSIBLE SOLUTIONS!" younger Jack blurted. Sparko got an idea. "WAY AHEAD OF YOU!" Sparko said, running below deck before younger Jack could respond. In almost an instant, Sparko returned in a toga carrying yoga pillows, candles, and other relaxing items. "What are we going to do with THOSE?" younger Jack asked. "We are going to MEDITATE! It will clear our minds and help us think of a solution to our conundrum! Come on! Grab a toga!" Sparko explained. "Hmm…Your method has intrigued me…VERY WELL! GIMME THAT TOGA!" younger Jack said. And the two merry idiots began to try and think clearly….We'll check on them later.

Meanwhile, on the other end of the ship, Combustabeth read her horoscope while poor William Burner was left with all the hard work. "Hmm…this is interesting…"Combustabeth said. "What?" William replied, swabbing the deck. "My horoscope, I'm a Leo, says that 'You will seem overly assertive and bitchy. Good for you! Make sure to threaten ANY man you see by saying you'll take away his precious alcohol, or his life. Whatever he's more attached to. Also, stay away from the Tuna Salad.'" Combustabeth read aloud.

"That's weird…What does mine say?" Will said. "What's you're sign?" Combustabeth asked. "Virgo." William answered. "Hmm...Virgo? Virgo? Virgin Virgo? Ah! Here we go! 'You have a hidden passion you are afraid to tell anyone about. Be open. Chances are SOME desperate moron won't laugh at you! All the other, probably will. Also, do not be a slave to the mop. MAKE the mop be a slave to YOU'" Combustabeth read to Will. Will stopped mopping for a moment and looked down. "What's wrong Will?" Combustabeth asked "concerned". "That horoscope was right…" Will started. "You mean about the mop?" Combustabeth asked. "Well, yes, but also the hidden passion." Will said. "Oh. Do you have one?" Combustabeth asked. "Well…kinda…" Will said, twiddling his thumbs nervously. "Tell me!" Combustabeth said, unusually sweetly. "It's kinda embarrassing…" Will started. "TELL ME!!!!!" Combustabeth said back to her old violent, psycho self.

THAT'S ALL FOR EPISODE 3! WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT TIME? WHAT'S WILL'S HIDDEN PASSION? WILL THE JACK'S MEDITATION RITUAL ACTUALLY WORK? WILL COMBUSTABETH BECOME LESS VIOLENT? AND WHAT'S THAT CRUSTY STUFF ON WILL'S PILLOW? FIN PUT ALL THIS-AND MAYBE MORE-ON PYRO'S OF THE CARRIBBEAN EPISODE FOUR!!!!


End file.
